Achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love helps you to hold yourself at a higher level of self-treatment, self-worth, and self-respect. It deepens your relationship and connection to the type of people you attract with the same self-understanding and self-love. I limit my time with the people who are not at the same level of self-love and self-understanding because everyone will not be on the same path as you are on and that is okay.
Asa part of our series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview LaJune Singleton.
A Board-Certified Health Coach, Health & Wellness Coach, Mindset Strategist, Nutritional Lifestyle Coach, the author of “Releasing My Trauma: The Root of Self-Sabotage”, Podcaster, Cycling Instructor, and Advanced Personal Trainer with over 10 years of experience working with busy career & retiree women, in the areas of obesity, fitness, chronic illnesses, mindset, nutrition, wellness, mental/physical health, and injury recovery.
Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
Asa child, stayed active and was an athlete in track & field, basketball, kickball, and softball. The love of being active led to become an AFPA Certified Personal Trainer in 2010. Not long after becoming a personal trainer, sustained a severe injury to my right knee. Did not realize that that injury was going to be life changing completely. Life is funny; never thought that an athlete, who was in great physical condition and always kept a positive attitude, would go through a comprehensive reform both physically and mentally.
I became very depressed; found comfort in emotional eating and sleeping all day. Went from 120 or less, size 0/4 to pre-obese of the highest weight of 193! All the unaddressed past mentally, emotionally, and physically appeared of suffering from grief of her father’s death as a child, childhood molestation, sexual assault, and not being in a good mental space.
This journey helped her understand that losing weight is not just about exercising. It’s also about understanding the successful behaviors that lead to maintaining weight loss by addressing what keeps a person from a fantastic healthy lifestyle. This understanding led me to obtain my Nutrition & Healthy Living Certification from Cornell University in 2018. In 2019, I received my certification as a Health & Wellness Coach and am an AADP Board Certified Health Coach. In 2020, recertified advanced personal trainer and 2021, certified cycling instructor.
Having transformed my mind and body to achieve my goals, I want to use my expertise to help busy and retiree women reach their desired healthy lifestyle goals.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now?
I have a virtual sexual assault awareness event on Facebook Live April 2, 2022, my podcast season five LaJune Singleton, LLC Fitness, Health, Nutrition, and Wellness Podcast, book signings, and accepting new personal training and health, nutrition, & wellness coaching busy and retiree female clients.
How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
My virtual sexual assault awareness event I hope to help victims understand they are victors, not to be afraid or embarrassed to share their story. I hope they obtain the therapy or group to find peace with building healthy self and personal relationships.
My podcast offers education and advocacy for listeners wellbeing physically, mentally, emotionally, nutritionally, and spiritually. The book signings will give individuals the opportunity to meet me and understand that your past does not have to be a prison sentence when you choose to let go and forgive.
Accepting new clients will offer women the knowledge and tools that weight loss is not just about exercising, but mindset and nutrition, which helps with a successful healthy lifestyle change. The self-understanding is weight gain is from trauma, grief, abandonment issues, stress, worry, or feeling stuck.
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love?
My personal struggles were holding on to my past of dealing with the grief, molestation, not being heard, finances, and anger issues. I was able to find self-love and self-understanding through therapy, a retreat, self-reflection, and coaching.
Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self-acceptance?
The tipping point that triggered my change I was tired of being angry, financially broke, and unhappy all the time. I knew I had to make some necessary changes to be happy. I invested in a retreat a friend invited me to for a week, which offered peace, clarity, self-acceptance, self-forgiven, self-trust, and self-love.
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences? Some of the causes are society, social media, television, magazines, and the internet have people feeling they must look or be a certain way. The consequences are anoxia, bulimia, going in debt trying to keep up an appearance, botched plastic surgery, and mental health (depression, anxiety, or suicidal).
To some, the concept of learning to truly understand and “love yourself,” may seem like a cheesy or trite concept. But it is not. Can you share with our readers a few reasons why learning to love yourself it’s truly so important? Learning to love yourself offers self-respect, self-grace, self-care, self-worth, self-peace, and self-happiness. When you love and respect yourself your tolerance for disrespect and negativity is unaccepted. You will start to feel confident in who you are without anyone’s approval.
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships?
I think people stay in mediocre relationships for the fear of being alone.
What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
I would advice to start loving yourself, you are worth more than settling just to have someone that does not offer you partnership, support, joy, fun, motivation, encouragement, and unconditional love.
When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times, self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves?
Some tough questions a person may ask how do you feel around friends, family, or partner? Are you angry, frustrated, stressed, uncomfortable, happy, or like it is a requirement to be around them? Are you always in a negative mood? Are you projecting your feelings/past on to others?
Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
An example of a time I had to reflect and realized I needed to change was realizing the death of my father was affecting my romantic relationships with the fear of abandonment. I would try to control the narrative by putting them in the friendship zone, which was safer for me. I had to resolve my grief and abandonment issues to open myself to building relationships without controlling the outcome.
So many don’t really know how to be alone or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
It is very important to have a relationship with yourself and offer self-love. We cannot expect others to give us what we are not will to provide ourselves.
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
Achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love helps you to hold yourself at a higher level of self-treatment, self-worth, and self-respect. It deepens your relationship and connection to the type of people you attract with the same self-understanding and self-love. I limit my time with the people who are not at the same level of self-love and self-understanding because everyone will not be on the same path as you are on and that is okay.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
Individuals and society can help people better understand themselves by being nonjudgmental and listening. Society and individuals make assumptions before hearing the person completely, which makes it difficult for anyone to be vulnerable and open with the fear of not being heard or judged.
We can help people better accept themselves by offering support, listening ear, and empathy.
Here is the main question of our discussion. What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
Five strategies I implement to maintain a connection and love for myself is prayer, meditation, journaling, taking silent sabbaticals, and speaking positive affirmations to myself.
Each morning and night I pray and give gratitude, which helps me to appreciate the progress I have made. Meditation helps me clear my mind of any negativity and helps me focus on my vision. Journaling helps me to release thought on paper and to see my progress of my goals. Taking silent sabbaticals helps me to refocus and rejuvenate to offer myself self-care and wellness. Speaking positive affirmations helps me see my greatness, it is important how you see and appreciate yourself. People treat you based on how you are treat yourself and allow them to treat you.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships?
Favorite books The Bible, Rachel Rodgers “We Should All Be Millionaires”, Bob Proctor “It’s Not About The Money”, Cicely Tyson “Just as I Am”, Maya Angelou “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”, Michelle Obama “Becoming”, Iyanla Vanzant “Yesterday I Cried: Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving”, and Sonia Ricotti “Unsinkable”.
Favorite podcasts LaJune Singleton, LLC Fitness, Health, Nutrition, and Wellness Podcast, Lloyd Health Revolution, Sulavon’s SheShed, 247 Real Talk, and Relationship Matters.
Other resources Red Table Talk, Peace of Mind, Eternal Sunshine, and Oprah Daily
What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you? I love that they are inspiring, educational, and encouraging. It resonates with me that we all go through things in life, but we all can overcome our past to become great, happy, and at peace with ourselves.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it.
If I could inspire a movement, it would be letting go of the past and truly forgive. If more people were able to let go of their past and forgive, we would have a lot of healthy and happy people who would be at peace with themselves.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
You don’t manifest what you want, you manifest who you are to obtain what you want.
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
It is relevant to me in my life in many ways from finances, happiness, and success. I wanted it, but I was not in the mindset of believing or seeing myself with happiness, finances, and success. I had to start manifesting the thoughts and belief I deserve these things and letting go of doubts or fears.
Readers can learn to live by this with believing in themselves that we all are deserving of greatness to manifest who you are with being authentic to yourself in order to manifest what you want in life.
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